Trigger Warning #1: You might read something about triggers in this essay.
Trigger Warning #2: That was a spoiler. Sorry.
My breakdowns always seem to happen in the kitchen.
Between 5:30–7:30 pm, to be exact.
Everyone who has or has had young children will tell you that those hours consistently suck. These are known, in parenting circles, as the Witching Hours. And if you hate cooking as much as I do, especially in the summer, you know how bad it can get.
There’s another phenomenon I’ve heard of that is somewhat similar, called Sundowners’ Syndrome, which primarily affects older folks with Alzheimers. As the sun is setting, they can get quite agitated and confused, and struggle greatly at this time of day. It sounds miserable.
And while my kids are well past Witching Hour age, and I’m not a person with Alzheimer’s, I can still absolutely tell you that I struggle like shit in the same time slot, quite regularly. And I’m not trying to be flip about any of this; I’m simply adding to the pile of: Wow, that time of day sucks for lots of people.
As I said, bad things happen to me in the early evening in kitchens, despite my best efforts. I always try to snack well and stay hydrated, so I don’t think blood sugar is the culprit, but somehow I get triggered by just about anything in that time frame.
And that’s what I really want to talk about: recognizing your triggers.
Curve ball. Ha ha. No, seriously, triggers are super important to know about and handle.
Simply put: A trigger is a thing that initiates unwanted behaviors. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you swear at them. Cause and effect.
Triggers are things that set a person off into a negative, unhealthy behavioral spiral, such as: drinking too much, eating too much, behaving recklessly, falling into despair and depression, having a panic attack, getting very wired, and more.
I’m not talking about the oversimplification and excessive use of the word “trigger” that you hear every five seconds nowadays. I am not talking about someone being triggered by the text on someone else’s shirt, or by not being told that a movie ends badly, or learning that there is an ideological or political rift between them and someone else. I’m talking about things that REALLY set a person off and can have sustained and painful consequences.
You don’t need mental illness or trauma to have triggers.
For example, consider the Neurotypical Trigger. When I was growing up, my Dad had a huge trigger with people smoking where they shouldn’t. He could get quite irate and/or clever with how he would attempt to stop the smoker from smoking. Back in those days, when you could still smoke on a plane, there was a proviso in place that if ONE person said, “I DO NOT want anyone smoking on this flight” the airline was duty-bound to classify the entire trip as a NON-SMOKING flight. He played that card every time. The smokers hated it. Their smoking was my Dad’s trigger, and his actions, leaving smokers smokeless, triggered them.
So this topic is something for every human being. Because if you can identify triggers, you can help keep yourself in a better state of mind. That goes for all of us.
Triggers can set a person up for horrible flashbacks or nightmares, or something as simple as a smell or a sound.
One huge trigger for folks with mental illness (and everyone else, to be honest) is not getting enough SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough. Speaking as a person with bipolar disorder, I’ve mostly been kind of a dictator about getting my sleep and not staying up too late because I end up paying for the lack of it, and 90% of the time I get a bonus migraine joining me in the morning.
Triggers I have include getting too hungry, cooking in the evening (especially in the summer), not practicing good sleep habits, and crowds. I used to think I was just being annoying to people when I needed to rest, stop and eat, or have quiet time. But those are ways I take care of myself and avoid getting triggered. If I don’t take precise care of myself, the whole Jenga tower falls down.
Having a stricter schedule isn’t easy, and this is why vacations are so difficult. If I push a boundary too far in any direction, I pay the price, and so, sometimes, do the people who are with me. I’m always walking that fine line between participating and taking time to myself to keep steady and well. As a result, I often miss doing some activities. Occasionally, I bow out of a late night activity, or a long day outside in the heat. I’ve mostly come to accept this. I mean, what else can I do?
If you can know your own behaviors and reactions and habits, you can put in place trigger buffers.
Trigger: Party where dinner starts Europeanishly at 10 pm
Result: Low blood sugar, irritability, argumentativeness, headache, dizziness, and rage
Solution: Eat before attending, and/or bring surreptitious snacks
Trigger: Attending a loud and crowded sporting event
Result: Anxiety, panic attack, claustrophobia, overstimulation
Solution: Only attend the last half of the event, bring earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones, or leave early
Trigger: Taking on too many activities in one day
Result: Emotional exhaustion, anxiety, frustration, impatience, overstimulation
Solution: Snack well and drink water throughout the day, plan for a simple meal to make for the family, take even a ten-minute break and count your breaths in a quiet space. Also, don’t overschedule yourself if you know it will lead to personal mayhem.
Consider what your triggers may be as a person with a mood disorder. And, loved ones, consider yours as well. What sets you off? What can you do to mitigate it? Are there places that are triggering? Awareness is already going to nudge things toward a more positive outcome for everyone.
Even just asking yourself when you have the hardest part of your day can be a helpful step to getting beyond the potentially devastating effects of a trigger. Being a bit self-reflective and maybe writing in a journal can really help you identify these things as well.
Because as I’ve said, like it not, everyone’s got some. Say it with me like an Oprah audience giveaway: “Under your seat, YOU get a trigger, and YOU get a trigger, YOU ALL get a trigger!”
